by chelsea schuyler

Well, it’s been a great year of blogging, thanks to all those who’ve read and commented.  For my last blog of the year I thought I’d highlight a couple of my favorite contributors.  But first, a prologue.

In any internet endeavor one can expect spam. I knew I’d have some throw-away comments here and there, but I thought it would be the usual genital enhancing enthusiasm (which I suppose IS nature-based) that I get in my old emails. No one told me to be prepared for the awesomeness that is this:

Bob Purol posted a comment on Desert Scraps, August 30th:

“We still can’t quite feel that I could be one of those studying the important guidelines found on your web blog. My family and I are really thankful for the generosity and for offering me the chance to pursue my personal chosen profession path. Appreciate your sharing the important information I obtained from your web-site.”

First of all, Bob, I love “we still can’t quite feel” which I can barely think of how to use in any sentence, let alone what it means in this one. We still can’t quite feel…proficient in the English language? Did you mean, you can’t believe?  Subtle difference there, but yes, you should feel privileged to be one of the elite readers of my utterly available blog which is totally free of charge and accessible to anyone using the World Wide Web.

Second: the “important guidelines” Not exactly leading you through fire hazards but okay..

Third: “the chance to pursue my Personal Chosen Profession Path” Yes, Chelsea Schuyler’s blog, the very model of philanthropic helpfulness, if only someone else’s random, science trivia blog of half truths could help me in my own profession-path of happiness.

The next comment of genius comes to us all the way from Germany:

“Dieser Artikel bieten viele Tipps. Sehr nützlich für mich.” which babelfish reports to mean: “This article offer lots of tips. Very useful for me.”

This tidbit is particularly confusing to me because it’s from a girl named Sabrina who has a blog (in fluent english) called High Protein Recipes.

This comment was in response to my most recent post Hard Pressed for the Holidays, which as you’ll recall is about dueling dinosaur fossils. Man, I would KILL to know the high protein dishes she has gleaned from that one.

Someone quick, steal the leftovers from the maggot inspired, wasp-injected caterpillar blog! Deee-lish.

And again with the tips, yes, where would people be without me? Tips from Chelsea’s blog: only enjoy watching werewolves in movies if they have tails, be thankful for dust, heal yourself by strapping purring cats to your wounds, listen for bug penis’s singing underwater, don’t dye your dog, be afraid of sharks but no more than 100 years ago, beware mummifiers who rip you off, don’t panic in quick sand but definitely panic in collapsing sand dunes, and think dinosaurs are cool or go fossilize yourself. It’s true, you couldn’t even feed yourself without these vital articles.

The best part about this comment though was at the end they added, in English,

“Thanks a lot?”

In full consideration of the content of this blog:  Most.  Appropriate.  Reaction.  Ever.

You’re welcome Germany?, you’re welcome?.

Happy New Years everyone!  May my web-blog proffer a continual origin of important guidelines, and best of destiny in all your occupation task seeking private chosen route tracks!

Addendum: Sabrina, if you’re reading this, you might check if your login’s been hacked. Anyway, I meant no offense, and I’m sure your banana cake is totally scrumptious. A little more Protoceratops next time though, or maybe on the side? Debatable.